I GOT THE GOUT
H. W. Bryce
I got the gout, I got the wheeze,
I got the – bless me, I gots tuh sneeze—
I get pneumonie quite with eaze
I’m gettin’ old, if you please.
Well I don’t please, don’t you see?
Cause I get the rheumatism, in my knee,
I get the ache in my “sacrophiliac.”
If I were me, I’d give me the sack.
My rhythm and my rhyme’s all gone,
Now when I dance my count’s all wrong
So when I waltz, I trip and fall
Lost it all sometime late last Fall.
Gee whiz almighty it ain’t no fun,
My days are cloudy, ain’t much sun,
My lips are chapped, no teeth, just gum,
Day to day, hour to hour, it’s all quite ho-hum.
I expected to live forever
Long live me
But this old body machinery
Is wearing out.
“It’s an old age thing,” they say to me
Apparently
The human body is designed for
Planned obsolescence.
Ah me!
Yeah, I got the gout, I got the wheeze,
Pardon me while I sneeze,
I gotta go, I gotta plan,
Got one last thing I gotta do,
Gotta buy me a box to lay me in,
Try it on for size,
Buy a plot to plant the lot.
Shine up my smile for when I meet
Old Saint Pete at the pearly gate
Gotta shed all the hate
Limber up my arthritic hand
To hold it out for St. Pete to shake.
Bye fer now, gonna brew a tea of mint
Rub my sore muscles with the linimint
Take a rest, I got the gout`112
But when I go, I’ll go with a mighty shout!
