Don’t Worry: Harry Doesn’t

 

Don't Worry - Postits on brain - Capture - jun 15, 2015

Don’t Worry So Much

About Harry

Don’t worry too much when you forget something. It’s fairly normal; we all do it.

A. There’s usually a reason, an explanation: we’re busy, we’re tied up with something at the time, something else happens to distract you.

B. Look around, listen up. You will be surprised at how often you’ll hear someone say, “I forgot.” Or they’re telling you something and a name slips their memory. Happens all the time.

Try making a list if it will help. Take the burden off, relax, free it up; it may improve your memory. You know you can practice your memory: memorize a poem, memorize your grocery list, learn to remember phone numbers instead of relying on your smart phone—your smart phone should never be smarter that you.

So don’t worry so much. Alzheimer’s persons aren’t the only people having trouble with memory.

They say it takes 12 repetitions to “nail it,” to learn something so that it is yours.

So don’t worry about it so much. Read about Harry:

HE TRIED

Harry tried to improve on his memory.
He read out his grocery list:
A loaf of bread, a jug ’o mile, a stick ’o butter.
A loaf of bread, a jug ’o milk, a stick ’o butter.
He thought he had it nailed.
He chanted the list in his head.
All the way to the store.
Four miles on foot.
Got to the store.
Recited the list.
A loaf of bread a jug ’o milk, a stick ’o butter.
Up and down the aisles.

He got the loaf and he found the butter,
Of course, bread and butter. Aha!
And he bought a box of cereal.

He walked it all home.
Four miles on foot.
And spread his goods on the table.
His appetite juices raged.
Freely.
He couldn’t wait to dig in.

He ate the bread, he ate the butter,
But the fridge held no milk!
Zounds!

They say it takes twelve repetitions to “nail it.”
It took Harry ten.

He memorized his list.
A loaf of bread, a jug ’o mile, a stick o’ butter,
A jar ’o jam, a bag ’o rice, some nice bulk
Peanut butter?

He came home.
Four miles on foot.
He’d forgotten the peanut butter.

By the sixth time, Harry was remembering more each time.
It took him ten times to remember everything. By the twelfth time, he began to feel confident. And the four miles didn’t seem so far any more.

Don't Worry - questioni marks - Capture - jun 15, 2016

It can be done.

We have a lady in our poetry group who has a prodigious memory. She has said that once she has written a piece she memorizes, memorizes, memorizes.

And that is the missing link for most of us. We simply forget to memorize. Too busy. Too distracted. Too lazy?

Excuse me now, I’m going off to try to memorize a verse.

And pity the poor dementia person. No, don’t pity, help him or her to memorize a safe routine, or how to do something they used to do.

And don’t forget to exercise your own memory. It’s a muscle and, you know, it seems obvious; but sometimes we need a reminder.

So don’t worry so much about it. Work it.

CREDITS: Both illustrations are from Clip Art. Links were dead ends.

Posted in Advocate, Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Dementia, Memory, Remembering | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Generosity

 

Ann's Giving, Sunset - jun 2016 - Capture

Generosity is Hers

Generosity is giving
Freely without a thought of the self,
Not just helping one in need
But just the giving for giving’s sake.
Those with the giving nature
Are the blessed of folks,
A wheel of giving with many spokes.

Giving of time is a valuable gift,
Sharing of self is a bonding affair,
Each is a player in the game of life
And easing of strife means an equal share.

So never underestimate the power of
Generosity, reciprocity,
The giving of love.
Give to the givers,
give them your blood.

Looking Back

I gave my wife a ballerina figure, thinking that as she had done some ballet as a child she would enjoy it. But after that first day I didn’t see in on any shelf or surface. I thought she might have tucked it away somewhere safe, as she was wont to do at that stage.

About a week later, while visiting our son and his family, I spotted the little ballerina. Ann had regifted it.

At first I was perplexed, then miffed, even angry and hurt. Once again I had guessed wrong. That had been happening a lot lately. She constantly refused (or was incapable of) telling me what she would like for her birthday, for Christmas, for Mother’s Day, etc. Perhaps I was wrong in asking, but I wanted her to have something she really wanted or valued; even something she needed.

Like the fact that she was always at me to go walking with her. So I bought her a book on walking. The book continues to languish on a book shelf. The same fate met the wonderful massage wand I gave her for the aches she was having in her limbs.

But upon reflection, I think that Ann’s giving away things was merely a reflection of her hugely generous nature. For one thing, she continuously bought things for me, for no other reason than that she wanted to, whether I needed the thing or not. She bought me clothes, sock, underwear, a deerskin jacket, a cowboy hit (which I wear regularly), cushions for my car because I had an achy back…

And her generosity to others, well! She would see, she would give.

When she discovered our next door neighbour at the time did accounting, she promptly asked her to do my taxes. Once done, my wife insisted that I pay the lady a hundred bucks. Too generous, said I. But she insisted, absolutely. Then, the lady having been duly paid, my wife insisted on fifty dollars worth of flowers for her. Then it was a box of chocolate. Then she wanted to give her more money.

I had to put my foot down. Such generosity was going to bust our bank. And the sum total of the tax results was that I owed Revenue Canada three hundred bucks. This kind of generosity I could not afford.

As my wife’s Alzheimer’s progressed, she not only hid her jewellery, which she sorted through frequently, but she also began accusing me of stealing it. All the while she was giving pieces away – to our granddaughter, to our son; she even offered it to our respite workers.

Generosity. It can leave you poor.

But…I loved her for it.

Ann's Giving - jun 13, 2016 - Capture

Miss Generosity

Generosity, she was generosity!
She’d give you the shirt right off her back.
She did.
Visit her, she’d feed you very well.
She’d make sure you were warm
When winter storms came along.
Miss Generosity was always
‘Give and never ever take,’
This generosity was never fake.

That was just in her nature,
Along with the urge to nurture.
That’s just the way that she was built,
Generosity to the hilt.

She would look to your needs
Before she looked after hers,
Just the way you treat your pets.
She loved everybody.
She was a study in
The nature of the human core.
She would give, and then give some more.Ann's Giving - Give generously - Capture

CREDITS: Sunset picture from Clip Art; Giving Poster from Pinterest.

Posted in Advocacy, Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Memories, Remembering, Service | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Generosity

She Serves: Universal Mom

 

Red Rose -- Capture

She Who Serves

She who serves, has a thankless task,
The smile she wears is a clever mask;
Her hands are raw from scrubbing brush,
And yet they soothe and never rush.

Her hands may bleed, her bones are bent,
The aches so many they may be lent,
And yet she carries weary on
And comforts all she comes upon.

Her limbs are weak and sometimes fail,
Sometimes she’s lost and feeling frail,
Sometimes she loses her even flow
But always there if you need to know.

Her words may come and words may go
But acts of comfort that make folks glow;
She metes them out as one deserves,
These are the gifts from she who serves.

She serves who also toils

She who toils also serves, in her place,
She serves with grace, never knew lace,
Had no perms, owned no gowns,
And yet her face shows no frowns.

Cheerily dispenses words so wise,
Honest, open, no disguise,
Numberless the ones she’s helped,
Always there, love enveloped.

Thankless though the task may be,
Her sage advice sets spirits free,
Words to comfort, words to heal,
To kiss a wound is no big deal.

Rich or poor she worries not,
She helps them all with their aching knot;
She has the gift to understand
That who you are, your spirit’s grand.

She holds the wisdom of the world in her keep,
But she doesn’t simply let it lie and steep,
She shares her knowledge, she salves the grief,
Mends the spirit, encourages belief;

She’s at peace, she knows her soul
She’s young at heart, she’s old as coal,
She’s free as birds yet rooted, still,
She shares the joy, spreads free will.

Not to praise beyond the pale
But servitude to her is never stale;
She knows their secrets, where’er they’re from
She who serves, Universal Mom.

Notes: to Scrub Lady
To my mom, our boys’ mom, our late poetess friend, and all who serve with grace and humility.

Posted in Advocacy, Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Grand parents, Memory, Poetry, Service | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Don’t Waste Time: It’s all you have

 

Wasted Time - Don't waste time - Capture - from deviant art June 5-16

Don’t Waste Time

Don’t waste time in fussing and fretting
As they say, don’t sweat the little things,
The big thing is that you love her
That you do the best you can
That you can help her say “I am!”

For if you find her lonely,
Or if perchance she cries,

Don’t stop to ask the whys,
You should go and hug her;

Just go ahead and be there,
That’s the most important moment.

Don’t stop and ask about tomorrow,
The moment is today;
Unless you live the moment,
You will rue the day.

What seemed so urgent yesterday
Is not so much today;
Today is when she needs you,
What else counts just now?

DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME

H. W. Bryce

Do not waste your time in fretting,
Do not spend your day regretting,
You could use that time for loving,
Do not rue this day you’ve lost.

Spend your time inside the moment,
Share the joy you’ll find together,
You can handle any weather
Do not spend your day regretting.

Just be there inside that hour,
Being there will give her power,
And you will feel the power of love,
Do not waste your time in fretting.

You will know you’ve done a good thing,
She’ll smile, your hand will be her wing,
You’ll both live inside that moment,
You can use that time for loving.

Do not lose that chance for loving,
Do not cheat her of such living,
Do not rue the day you may have lost,
Do not waste your time regretting.

Inspired by “10 Life Lessons My Mother Continues To Teach Me As She Lives With Alzheimer’s,” By Dileone MSN, RN, is an Assistant Clinical Professor at the University of Connecticut School of Nursing.
http://blog.alz.org/10-life-lessons-my-mother-continues-to-teach-me-as-she-lives-with-alzheimers/

PICTURE CREDIT: http://www.deviantart.com/art/The-Past-171436754
The Past by nairafee Watch Photography / Conceptual©2010-2016 nairafee

Posted in Advocacy, Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Poetry, Remembering, Time | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Tremulous Times: Outer and Inner

 

Tremulous_Times_-_Ruins_-_2016-06-03_1004

Tremulous times are ruinous times.

Tremulous Times

All is orderly in the war room, plans are all laid out:
Send Troop A to Region One, apply the bombs in Sector Two,
Take them out by storm and it’s all over but the shout;
Line them up, make them stand like trees along the avenue,
Place our guards four square in place, things will run right straight.
Follow orders everyone, all is orderly in our pleasant state.

But in the field the troops get lost, they do not see the salvos come.
Turmoil churns the turf, the war planes strafe the troops.
All is lost in a haze of noise, and clouds of shrapnel’s shouts,
And the surviving few are left to die.

So much for peace.
When the poorest and the least opportuned of folk
Have had enough and hate replaces hope
The worm infects the brain
Until it can take no more
and
the worm turns
And fireworks explode
Tempers no longer tempered
Do imprudent things
Thinking is as thinking does
And revenge
replaces
righteousness…

Thoughts become bombs and bombs create…death!
Destruction in the mind destroys clear thought…
We live in tremulous times

Meanwhile, back at home

And Donald writhes in pain and tortured mind,
The flashes in his head
Explode with excruciating pain.
He cannot speak
Nor stop his writhing brain.
He reaches out
And grabs nothing else but air.
He stumbles as he walks
And scrapes his shoulder
On the corner of the door.

And Dora shakes her head.
Come back to me, she pleads,
I need you still…
But you cannot hear my plea,
You cannot speak your voice.
Poor man you are stricken
Ill,
and I don’t know what
to do.

Tremulous times are these,
Tremulous times indeed.
War and peace—
Incompatible…

Something has to give

And all the while poor Dora
Prays for peace at home
And Donald,
Who never went to war,
Remembers
Everything…
And every thing is
Naught.

Tremulous_Times_-_Clip_Art_-_Split_Imang_man_-_2016-06-03_0954

The ruins of war, the ravages of disease.

PICTURE CREDITS: The ruins – “Piav ruins, explore riccard” – from Clip Art
The man – “Especias asiaticas contra la de…” Catalog:http://insertmedia.office.microsoft.com – from Clip Art

 

Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Memory, Missing, Poetry, Trauma | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Victim’s Path

 

The Victim's Path

The Victim’s Path

Take the victim’s path
And you’ll trod such rocky ground!
No signpost, just more attacks;
No hope a-glimmer, just despair,
So spare yourself the trouble,
Do not go there!

He struck her once and she apologized.
He struck her twice and she took it.
He truck her thrice and she accepted.
This was to be her life,
This was the victim’s path.

He forget where he parked his car
And he laughed.
He forgot the way back home
And he cried.
He forgot his wife’s name
And he accepted.
This was to be his life,
This need not be the victim’s path.

The victim’s path is long and hard,
It has steep cliffs and spiky lanes;
The victim’s path is rife with forests dark
Filled with threatening sounds
That make escape look mighty stark;
Thorns and roots will rip your feet,
Its atmosphere will build defeat.

The victim’s path will steal your hope,
It will leave you in the dark to grope.
This is no path to recommend,
It is so hard to mend
Should you break free and find the light.

Pity the poor care giver, worn from giving care,
Feeling sorry for the self, this is the victim’s lot,
Winning at the game of blame is simply not a win;
If you want to smile again, find another path.

Too many detours

Fend it off, shrug it off, find a way, call an SOS,
Don’t worry if it’s right or not,
It’s just too dangerous to guess.
Take a walk, take a hike, find a sanctuary,
Build your strength, build your life,
Don’t go down like the miner’s sweet canary.

The victim’s path is not the way to go,
It is too winding with too many wrong detours,
Too many miles that look the same
Where you meet yourself while coming
When you thought that you were going.

Shun that route the first you see its ugly head.
Cut it off at source. Recognize it for what it is
And walk away my friend, please walk away,
Do not walk the victim’s path.

Do not walk the victim’s path

Be not the victim. Be not like him.
Do not give up your dignity,
Don’t let him steal respect,
He is not worthy of your support,
Do not blind yourself to truth.

Gird your loins and fight for strength
To face the bugger down,
Call for help to help empower
The inner self you know inside,
Be the you you know can tower
Over victimizers all,
And say, “I will not hide inside,
I am worthy, he is not,
And I shall walk away with pride!”

Please don’t hide inside,
Please don’t walk the victim’s path.

If you allow yourself to go there, you go missing.

 

Posted in Advocacy, Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Poetry, Trauma, Victims | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

It Takes a Village

 

It_Takes_a_Village,_painting_by_carts--2016-05-25_1841

It takes a village

 

It Takes a Village

… to care for care givers…
–@CraigAAdams in http://myalzteam.com

 

It Takes a Village

H. W. Bryce

It takes a village to care for a care giver,
For the care givers gets forgotten while they give;

Love is in their hearts but too soon they get fatigued
From giving round the clock according to their creed.

Greed is the dread and scourge of each nasty disease,
Hogging all attention, grabbing all their time of ease.

Truth to tell, of course, this disease is such a blight,
Disease will drag you down, a miserable plight;

It’ll drag you down so deep you’ll never see light,
And you’ll despair that you’ll never regain your life.

Yes the care giver gives till the care giver cries
As he sees every friendship simply ups and dies.

This compassionate soul cries out for some aid
When the strain gets too much and he gets afraid;

He needs someone to give him a break for a while,
Someone who can listen and bring him a smile,

Some compassionate ones to take care of each chore,
To take on the onus so he’ll worry no more.

Yes the care giver needs some care giving too,
To help him to give and to navigate true.

It takes a whole village to help with his charge,
To gather his strength, give him time to recharge.
PICTURE CREDIT:  Caring for Dementia by carts found on DeviantArt: http://www.deviantart.com/browse/all/?q=caring

which contains: https://www.facebook.com/TheCaregiverSpace/?fref=nf

which contains the blame game article: http://www.aarp.org/home-family/caregiving/info-2016/caregiving-blame-game-bjj.html

Picture credit: Caring for Dementia by carts, is listed as
Traditional Art / Paintings / People©2008-2016 carts
Illustration for Alberta Venture magazine, for an article about taking care of people with Alzheimer’s and dementia.

Posted in Advocacy, Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Dementia, Poetry, Village | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment