Out of Business: Out of Memory

 

Out_of_business,_Out_of_memory_--_2016-04-07_0936

Out of Business: Out of Memory

Harry’s Memory

Harry could not remember. His memory drew a blank.

“You don’t even remember the question, do you dear?”

Mary could not make Harry understand. “Oh you,” she snapped in exasperation. “Constance. The other love of your life. Constance, the sexy one. You know, your fiancee before me. You swore you’d never miss her funeral. And it’s tomorrow!”

She was rewarded with a blank stare.

“Oh! You’d forget your head if it wasn’t glued on.” She shook her head at this use of this cliché. “Ooo!  What can you do? Be right or be happy, they tell me. Riiiiiight.”

She walked away. She walked back. “Anyway, Harry, don’t forget to put out the garbage.”

Harry went into a tizzy. He began to open drawers, examine the statuettes and vases on the sideboard. He looked under things. Then he went into the den and closed the door.

Mary knew better than try to stop him. This new phase of Harry’s was as confusing to Mary as it apparently was for him. She walked away, muttering, half to herself, half to Harry. “Oh Harry, you’re going to forget again. What is so difficult about carry a couple of light bags to the curb?”

What Harry saw in his mind’s eye was the huge pile of garbage he’d seen as a child beside the barn.

“You forgot? What a load of garbage,” his dad said in disgust.
The tiny but already gangly Harry blinked. “Why can’t you believe me, Daddy? I can’t move all that stuff all by myself. And I—”
His dad pointed to a flat, filthy surface mounted on two ski-shaped runners. “What do you call that?”
Still confused, Harry replied with a shaky voice, “Stoneboat.”
“Stoneboat! Now get this load of garbage out of here. One load at a time.”
“But I promised Shirley swimming lessons.”
“Swimming lessons! Be damned. I never heard such a load of garbage in my life.”

When Mary returned to the living room, Harry was crumpled on the floor beside a box; its contents were spilled across the floor. He was crying. Mary hurried to him, dropped to the floor and hugged him with the usual soothing and concerned words.

Harry held out a photograph. Mary took it and held it out to focus. It was a picture of a very stern farmer dressed in overalls towering over a small but gangly looking boy pitchforking manure from a big, steaming,  pile beside the barn onto a stoneboat.

“Oh, Harry. I’m so sorry. This is from your private picture box, isn’t it?”

Harry nodded.

“I didn’t know.”

Harry snuggled into her arms and dropped his head onto her chest. Mary cuddled him back. They sat there for a while. Then Mary sang the song that Harry had sung to two generations of offspring: All things Bright and Beautiful

All things bright and beautiful,
all creatures great and small,
all things wise and wonderful,
the Lord God made them all.

It was the song that had brought them together.
CREDIT:   http://www.deviantart.com/art/Out-of-bussiness-333414616

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I Miss You Harry: On Loneliness

 

I_Miss_You_Harry_--_pixabay_214792_--_2016-04-04_0906

“I miss you Harry.”

from Harry and Mary mini series

I hardly know you any more, you’ve changed so much, my dear,
Now after all these years, you’re leaving me in tears,
I miss you Harry.

You used to be my friend, I thought that that would never end,
Now you are aloof, and I haven’t any proof
that you’ll come back to me.

I don’t know where you’ve gone, and I don’t know where you’ve been,
I don’t know why you go, what is it that you need?
Why don’t you come to me?

Now you sit and stare, and it makes me scared to speak to you
For fear that this new you will snap right back at me.
You used to be so true.

Where have you come here from, and what is it that you want?
Why can’t you find your way back home, I’m feeling blue.
I miss you Harry.

What has captured you and why take you away from me?
What are you looking at, what is it I can’t see?
Oh please come back to me.

You don’t even speak to me, do you hate the touch of me?
When you look at me, what is it that you see?
Don’t you know I love you?

Please don’t turn your back on me, please don’t walk away from me.
I feel so desolate, I have so much to give,
My heart still beats for you.

I want you back my love. If only I could help you home,
If I could cure that storm that’s raging in your head–
I miss you very much.

“I miss you Harry.”

Loneliness is a terrible thing; especially when you are still together, as a couple, as married partners, as in the case of Alzheimer’s.

Credit:  https://pixabay.com/en/women-lady-old-hat-sit-alone-214792/
CC0 Public Domain Free for commercial use   No attribution required

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Incredible Journey: A Helping Hand

 

Harry's_Incredible_Journey,_hand_reaching_--_2016-04-01_0753

Harry’s Incredible Journey

With a Helping Hand at Hand

Harry stood there, gazing, at nothing. Reaching out, grasping…at nothing.

His wife Mary shook her head. “There you go again. What are you trying pick up?”

Harry took a shaky step forward, reached out, approaching the table lamp.

“Harry,” said his wife, “don’t touch that bulb. You’ll burn yourself.”

But the burning bulb was too far away and even lanky Harry’s arms were too short. Harry stood there, weaving from side to side. He thrust his head forward, squinted, pulled his head back, tilted and peered at the lamp sideways.

“Come on Harry,” his wife insisted for the fifth time. “Your supper’s ready. I made your favorite.”

She was desperate to distract him, for fear that either he would hurt himself or that he would break something. Or both. The place wasn’t exactly “kidproof.”

Harry didn’t move. He seemed to be concentrating on keeping his balance. This phenomenon was still new and Mary wasn’t at all sure how to handle the situation. She tried again.

“Come on Harry. You must be hungry. Come on, let’s have supper.”

But Harry was in a world of his own. He stood there, gazing into the light bulb.

Harry was on a journey.

He wandered through a blank, an luminescent veil, through a mist…and into brightness and an aura of love.
“This must be heaven,” he thought.
Everyone was there. He saw Tilda. He floated toward her, said hello.
Tilda gave him a hug, and they talked.
“How wonderful it is here,” Harry said.
Tilda agreed. “My pain is gone.”
Harry felt his limbs. “Ha. So is mine.”
Harry recalled the days when he and Mary, Tilda and Tom played tennis.
“We were so evenly matched,” he said.
“We beat you every time,” Tilda retorted.
They laughed. Harry couldn’t remember the last time he laughed. He liked it.
And he remembered everything.
He remembered graduation, meeting, marrying and having children with Mary.
He remembered his first day in school.
He recalled the little boat he sailed along the spring runoff in the north country.
He remembered everything.
And he was healed.

“You’re smiling,” a voice said. “Why are you smiling Harry?”

“I remember.”

But then he began to tremble. Scenes began to fade. He became alarmed and his body, shaking now, ached again. His vision dimmed, (shattered into segments, as if seeing through the eyes of a fly).

He swayed, stumbled to regains his balance.

He heard voices. “Wake up. Harry, please wake up. Come back. You’re scaring me.”

Ever so slowly his eyes focused. A woman was standing there. A gaping hole in her face was moving. Bit by bit, sound penetrated his consciousness.

“Why did you bring me back?” he asked.

The face in front of him looked pleased. “Harry, you spoke.”

Harry could not understand the sound.

“I was happy there,” he said. “Why did you bring me back?”

“Harry, you can speak. How wonderful.”

“Mmmnnn—Uh-uh-I-Iiiiiii”

“Oh Harry, my poor dear Harry. You’ve had another episode.”

“Mmm-I-I-I-I…”

His eyes conveyed confusion and distress.

“Damn this long goodbye,” Mary said, reaching out her hand to him.

“Let me do something for you, dear.”

Harry looked toward Mary’s hand, reached out, made grasping movements, failed. Mary moved her hand toward his and paused. Harry squinted at it, reached out again. Their hands met. Harry grabbed onto it, steadied himself. Mary gave Harry’s hand a loving squeeze.

“I’ve made brownies for dessert.”

He let her lead him to the table.

His stomach was growling.

Some journeys don’t seem to go anywhere

Picture Credit: https://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=reaching&rs=remove&0=reaching|autocomplete|3&remove_refine=out|autocomplete|3

 

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I WAS BUSY: I FORGOT

 

I_Was_Busy_--_Clip_Art_--_2016-03-28_0835

Forgetful Man  or Mr. Forgetful

I Was Busy: I Forgot

Or: Just a bit of silly

Well, busy is busy. I wrote this for “Disappearing Me,” but I forgot I had written this and wrote something different. “Disappearing Me” was posted Monday, March 25. This bit of silliness is probably not finished; probably never will be. But we’ve all gone into a room and quite forgotten why. This phenomenon is called “The Magic Portal.” Pass through here and all is forgotten. It could be, but not necessarily, an early warning sign of dementia. Or part of a care-giver’s world. Or just an aberration in the day of a busy man. Could happen to a woman, too. Yeah, just a bit of silly. Perhaps mildly amusing. To some. Oh, sorry. I got busy here and forgot what I was doing. Silly me.

I Was Busy: I Forgot

A busy man enters a room. Looks around. Is startled.

Busy busy…
Oh!,
Where am I?
I’m sure I was here yesterday
I seem to recall
I know I was busy, but at what
I can’t be sure at all.

Did I drop the ball?

Oh!
I have a thing to show you…
Now where is that thing?
Oh, I’ll find it in a minute
Must be in the hall
Wait now, wait just a second
Wait till I think
Wait till I recall

Mmmmmm…
I had to rescue the cat
And I had to fix on that
I answered a thousand questions
Some a dozen times
Well my duties keep me busy
Makes my poor head spin
And between the rowdy kids
And crazy old gran
I had no time to drink my cuppa joe
And that’s just how thing’ve bin.
And oh yes Gramma’s going to the loonie bin
Where she’ll be rich
Cause there’s lotsa loonies there–ha-ha
And no one’ll bitch
It gives me the itch

Or was it yesterday
I did the dishes?
But then the kids all had such big wishes
They had to go to school
And no one to stay with gran
And I had to drive in the driving pool

Now what was it that you were asking?
Oh yeah…oh but
I was busy, I forgot

Well I guess my head isn’t on quite right.
Well not today.
Guess I forgot to screw it on
Well, not tight
So there must be a bit of leakage
Don’t know why
But my collar feels hot
What’s that you say?
Oh sorry, I forgot

What’s that? Where’s that thing?
Oh, I was busy, I just forgot

My head gets dizzy
My tummy gets fizzy
My nerves get frizzy
And—and…
What was the question?
Ohhh, sorry. Busy.

Image Credit:   http://insertmedia.office.microsoft.com

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Disappearing Me

 

Disappearing_Me_silhouette_--_2016-03-24_1006

Disappearing Me

Inspired by friends at my alz team

Also by my good blogging friend at By The Side of the Road

Disappearing you, disappearing friends,
Disappearing of beginnings, lots of new ends,
The person that I loved is disappearing too
Here in body, already missing you.
Disappearing kinship, disappearing me,
Does anybody miss me, does anybody see?

Lost in the woods in the caring after you;
I remember when our love was ever so true,
Now I look at you and you’re looking through me,
I wonder who it is you think that you can see.
There are no guide posts, I fear I’ve gone astray,
Lost in the woods alone and left to pray.

Cold and lonely every single night,
Though you are lying there just to my right,
You never talk to me, not any more,
I wonder what the future has in store.
You keep me so busy I’m no longer free.
Say hello to the disappearing me.

Lost in the woods where there isn’t any path;
Sometimes it’s good, I escape from your wrath.
The way things are going, I’m missing out on life,
Filled with anxiety, my worries are rife.
Restless and tired, I’m buzzing like a bee,
I’m lost in the woods, I’m disappearing me.

Yes I’m lost in the woods, no signpost to see,
There’s no one to help, no one to hear my plea.
Everyone’s abandoned my sinking ship,
I want to curl up and give life the slip.
No one comes with a helping hand for me,
Pity poor old disappearing me.

My love is disappearing, he’s nearly half gone,
I wish I had a fairy’s magic wand,
I’d wave it all around till life would rock,
I’d vanish all these troubles, I’d stop the clock,
I’d turn back the time and turn back this tide
Back to our time with love a magic ride.

Pity me oh doctor, pity me now,
Please make me a remedy, tell me how
Do I fix this love that’s gone so awry,
Tell me who this stranger is, who is this guy
Who’s replaced my man who doesn’t know me–
And how do I fix this disappearing me?

Image Credit: ClipArt

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Yestertime: When I was young

Seagull -- Capture -- mar 21-16

Dreams from yestertimes.

“You have the freedom to be yourself, your true self, here and now, and nothing can stand in your way.” Jonathan Livingston Seagull (Richard Bach)

Yestertime

Lessons Learned

Yestertime, when I was young, I marvelled at the gulls that came
When the farmers ploughed their fields,
And in the summer, too, when the wheat waved like the waves at sea
And all the world was new to me,
I always did believe my heart could soar like gulls on silver wings,
Imagination flowed in streams
Yestertime, when life was such a mystery, the whole world called,
and my mind was full of dreams

And when I grew and went out there into the world,
I met a wonder lady who wonderstruck my heart;
We lived a wonder life, each day another start,
We raised a family, and lived to see the sun,
It cured my wanderlust, I had no wish to run
The way I ran in yestertimes, when I was young.

It truly broke my heart to have to say goodbye.
I took me to the park, it felt like spring to me,
I listened to some jazz, the passion of her heart,
Such timeless tunes they were that comfort and inspire
It brought back home to me the fondest memories,
Chapters in our lives, and for each I shed a tear,
And there I read the world goes on, my path is clear:
You always get chance for  another new start.

They asked  me for the secret of enduring love;
I told them this: you take the better part of each
And live by that, the better part of her in you
The better part of you in her, and that will teach
How to make your yestertimes live inside the love
You carry in your heart, for all your future times.

Seagull pic:  https://www.pinterest.com/lauracunhavaz/trabalho-ev-gatos-e-gaivotas/

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Loss: Getting Over Grief

Loss from Pixabay -- Capture

MY LOSS

There is light at the end of the tunnel

My poems may signify loss. But not tragedy. And not just gloom. They
also find the lighter side.

They have been and continue to be invaluable to me in dealing with this whole Dementia/Alzheimer’s thing.

By remembering the stages of Alzheimer’s, how she was through each, I am reminded of how she was—and how much I miss her, at each an every stage. Bittersweet: Bitterness of loss; sweetness of our life and  love together, even the differences and how they made us
strong.

This is a healthy thing.

And how she was and how she is, she will ever be for me, complete, vibrant, with a smile that made you feel complete.

So my poems have helped me through each stage of  loss, and to prepare myself for the inevitable.

That is called “anticipatory grief.” Read about grief loss and bereavement at:

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/download_info.php?fileID=1796

You may have to do this in two stages. This address will take you to a page where you can click on the PDF file to download it. It will be worth the effort. This will give you: Factsheet: Grief, loss and bereavement. This is  a comprehensive rundown on the whole process.

Not a downer.

My Loss

-My butterfly, my faithful friend,
my  true to you will never end.
And now you’re gone,
My loss.

-Now you walk a different stage,
and while I try to stall my rage
I know that you’re still home,
that you are you inside,
although you’re lost,
swallowed up by a different force.
My loss.

-You leave a void each time you leave,
each stage you tread,
each step you take,
it seems that you forsake
my love.
So when you leave I’m left bereft.
I grieve alone.
My loss.

-I cherish times when we were us,
we two as one in everything.
It gives me heart while we’re apart,
and so  ’til then,
My loss.

So here’s to you, my Butterfly,
you make my heart soar high;
your smile more dear than gold
and if I may make so bold,
I can never wait to see
how next you’ll make my spirit dance,
’cause you always do enhance
the being  that is me.

You I never will forget.
how ever could I ever?
You give me joy,
and between us, Love,
between we two, my Love,Loss -- milky way, from Pixabay -- Capture
there’ll never be a real goodbye.

Here or there or anywhere,
you always emanated joy.
May you dance a happy dance
on every stage you tread,
and may I always be
there to dance with you.

PS:
Never were we perfect,
but we preferred to choose
the  good over any  bad,
the smooth and not the rough,
because the bad destroys
and good has always built us up.

So when you’re gone
grass leaves the lawn
I’m left alone
aching to the bone
I’ll remember you
I’ll deal with any loss!

CREDITS: https://pixabay.com/en/silhouette-woman-tree-landscape-1079240/
https://pixabay.com/en/milky-way-night-sea-landscape-967967/

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