Beware the Helper

Posted on December 2, 2015 by admin

Beware the Helper

Cheerful, she bounced into the house. So cheerful she startled The Mom, and this put The Mom’s back up. As it turned out, this was an Early Warning Sign to Beware the Helper.

It took a while to calm the situation and get The Helper and The Mom acquainted, showing The Helper around, getting “to know” each other.

But The Mom was uneasy, distraught, even, and begged me not to go. But I had to go, or lose the time that Respite was so preciously buying me. Time I desperately needed to recover from the years of solo care giving, from the constant strain, from the onset of Fatigue…

Finally they were calm and seated, poring over an old photo album. I retired to my Den and tried to work on my Project. But all was silent in the other room. It should not have been. The Helper ought to have been asking questions–about the pictures in the picture album.

Since all of this was so new, I, like The Mom, was uneasy; I dared to sneak a peak. And there she was, the Helper, our first Respite CareGiver, ensconced in my easy chair—doing my crossword puzzle,The Mom, in her easy chair, just sitting there, staring into…nothingness…

Has Respite come to this? Nothingness? I had been assured that there was training involved.

Beware the Helper.

I, of course, immediately contacted our case worker and got a new Respite Person.

We went through a lot of ‘Respite Persons,’ for the Mom was not an easy charge after all–she was not giving up her independence easily–And the Respite crew themselves came and went, fell ill, got reassigned, got sent to a tougher case–or an easier one…

Oh, we had some great Helpers, folks we’d be proud to call our friends. Yet, through it all, the Mom remained unsettled.

Some respite workers, I found over the years, were apparently in the same mind as our first. Such as the young one I saw in the park with her charge. She spent her whole time on her “Smart Phone,” while her charge sat beside her–sometimes alone while the girl wandered off in deep conversation on her “Smart Phone”–head hanging between her knees, apparently lost in limbo, losing out on the stimulation the girl had been hired to provide. Descending deeper into Alzheimer’s.

Beware the Helper.

In the end, I did get the benefit of Respite. But getting there entailed putting up with constant interruptions from my Project in The Den to get the television going, to play a record, to fetch The Mom from her wandering away upstairs, to fix the coffee maker, to
find something for them to do…

At first I resorted to coffee shops. Then the library. My Project proceeded.

It all came to a crashing end when The Mom fell ill and wound up in hospital.

After that trauma, came the long wait for “the first available bed.” That came up in one of the local care homes, where she resides today.

And The Project proceeds.

And The Mom improved, stabilized, and, if not always thriving, does well.

I guess we were lucky we didn’t get stuck with an abusive care giver on Respite. I do trust there aren’t any of those around.

— —

Picture credit: found on cyberbreeze.com via Pinterest

http://cyber-breeze.com/effects-sugar-23-facts-sugar-probably-didnt-know/2/

by Maria I. – Dec 11, 2014

Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Dementia, Memoir, Memories, Nursing | Tagged Alzheimer's, Blogging 101, caregiving, Dementia, memoir, memories | Leave a comment

Over Time

Posted on November 30, 2015 by admin

He Said, She Said

Over Time

1.
He said What’s this?
She said Which one?
He said This one, the the three-leaf clover one with the dark red leaves and the tiny blue flowers?
She said, That’s an oxalis triangularis
He said Really?
She said Really. It belongs to the kingdom of Plantae
He said Well it would, wouldn’t it?
She said It belongs to the Order of Oxalidales
He said Hmm. Sounds like a salad
She said Now don’t be like that. You’ll insult its family
He said Oh , it has a family too does it?
She said Of course. The Family Oxalidaceae
He said Now why does that not surprise me?
She said And—
He said There’s another and?
She said Its genus is Oxalis
He said And your genius is that you know all that. And remember it.
She said You can call it a Purple Shamrock
He said Yeah? Well I see three triangular leaves and they look like butterflies
She said Fine, have it your way. Call it a Butterfly Plant
He said Okay. I will
She said You’re being silly
He said Part of my charm
She said If you’re not going to help…
He said I shoulda known
She said Here, make yourself useful
He said What is this?
She said It’s a trowel. You dig with it
He said What shall I dig, dear Liza, dear Liza
She said Dig me a hole Dear Harry, Dear Harry, dig me a hole
He said Like this then? Dig, dig, dig
She said That’s deep enough. Now I put the “Butterfly Plant” into the hole…

2.
She said Hand me that—that one there
He said this one?
She said No, the one with the dark red petals and the tiny blue flowers
He said You mean the purple leaves?
She said Yes, yes. That one.
He said The Butterfly Plant
She said What? Yes
He said I forget its real name
She said It’s the— the— you know, the one that sounds like an ox
He said Oh, yes, oxalis
She said Yes
He said I thought you were calling me an ox
She said You said it!
He said I ought to have known
She said Now, where was I going to put it?

3.
He said Hey Love, isn’t it time to water the plants?
She said I don’t know
He said But they’ll die without water, and you’re so fond of your flowers
She said You water them then
He said O-kaaay, but you know my thumb…
She said Oh go on. It’s an easy plant to look after. Even for you.
He said You mean you’ll trust me with your plants? Even after you left me to weed your garden that time and, me not knowing my plants, I pulled out all the flowers and left the weeds ’cause they looked prettier to me?
She said No weeds here
He said Okay, but I don’t know which ones need a lot of water and which ones just need drinks
She said…nothing
He said Oh Honey, don’t cry. I’ll figure it out. Over time. It’s okay.

4.
He said Honey, you left the marge out. …Not answering today, the marge?…Shall I put it away for you? Yes? No? Okay, I’ll just do that. There, lid’s on…er, now I burp it? Right? Right. Listen, there it goes. Berrrrrp! Okay? Now, open the fridge door, pop it in, slam the door, Bang! What? No response? Hmm. Don’t know if I can stand the sound of my own voice all day.

5.
He said Honey, how do I prune this plant, what do you call it? See? his one, the one with the dark red— sorry, purple petals and the tiny blue flowers. It’s going wild chasing the light. See?

He said Shall I just do the best I can, then? Okay. Treat it like a Bonsai. Snip here. Snip. A little snip there. Snip. Okay. Hey, Honey, how does this look? Don’t want to look?

He said Just teasing. I remember now, you don’t cut back an oxalis triangularis. You just pluck the dead stems. Right? Okay. Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m pretty sure I’m right but I can look it up in one of your books to confirm. Sure, I know how to read. Remember?
How did you like what I read to you yesterday? I think you enjoyed it. Well, until you nodded off, eh? Eh-eh. Must’ve been my boring voice droning on. Guess that would put a whole audience to sleep. Eh-eh. Hey, maybe if I drone on long enough tonight I can drone myself to sleep. Eh? Think I’d get a good night’s sleep then?

He said Well, if you don’t get up and go a-wandering…

He said You know, I liked it better when you talked back. Just sayin’…Well, hey, remember the day we found the oxalis triangularis? Such a romantic day…

He said Well, I guess that’s why they call it the Love Plant. Oh, easy there old girl. There, that’s it. Well, never mind, we’ll figure it all out. Over time.

He said Aw, you’re all uncomfortable again, aren’t you? That’s a sure sign when you start squirming like that. Let me readjust your recliner…change the pressure point on your back. There, how’s that? Oh, I know that look—pressure point in the head now, is it? From me prattling on? I knew it. Ah! There’s that smile. Love your smile…

— —
They say the purple ribbon and the purple forget-me-not stand for Alzheimer’s.
NO they don’t! They stand for THE FIGHT AGAINST Alzheimer’s.

NOTE: this little story about memory loss was largely inspired by a story of a lady whose conversations with her mother turned into monologues as her mother’s Alzheimer’s took hold. I found the story via StoryCorps.org here:

http://www.npr.org/2015/11/13/455740533/conversations-turn-into-monologues-as-alzheimers-robs-family-of memories?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=2042

— –Image Credits:
Oxalis picture from http://www.ourhouseplants.com/plants/purple-shamrock
Fighting my hardest: ttp://www.healthyplace.com/insight/quotes/quotes-on-mental-health-and-mental-illness/
Purple Alzheimer’s ribbon: http://webclipart.about.com/od/specialtyclipart/ss/Purple-Awareness-Ribbon.htm?utm_term=purple%20ribbon%20awareness&utm_content=p1-main-1-more&utm_medium=sem&utm_source=msn&utm_campaign=adid-7128bd31-54cd-4593-bdb1-4867914ff7fc-0-ab_msb_ocode-29573&ad=semD&an=msn_s&am=broad&q=purple%20ribbon%20awareness&dqi=&o=29573&l=sem&qsrc=999&askid=7128bd31-54cd-4593-bdb1-4867914ff7fc-0-ab_msb

—

Alzheimer’s: Fight for a cure.
Alzheimer’s: Fight to kill.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Photo by Dixie Allan

Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Dementia, Memoir, Memories | Tagged Alzheimer's, Blogging 101, caregiving, Dementia, memoir, memories | Leave a comment

Letter to a friend

Posted on November 27, 2015 by admin

Letter to a Friend

I’m Here

Hello, dear friend,
I see you are hurting there,
Don’t forget to remember now
That we are a faithful pair,
So no matter what the cause,
Whenever you need some help
I’m here

Remember whenever you hurt, I’m here
Wherever you are, I’m here
You can turn to me, either now or then,
Whenever you’re at a loss, whatever you think the cost
I’m here

So give me a call, we can talk it out,
There’ll be no need to shout,
I’ve a shoulder for you to cry it out,
That’s what friends are for
I’m here

Hello, my friend,
I see that your heart is broke,
Remember that I was there
And you came through for me,
So don’t you dare to hesitate,
Let your broken heart gravitate,
I’m here

One more thing, my friend,
In the meanwhile and in the void,
Remember the power of pets–
You’ll always find love right there.
When ever you feel alone and lost
And you cannot face the cost,
Remember your cat’s your friend,
And I’m here

Hello my friend,
I see you hurting there,
Don’t forget your friend,
You can come to me,
I’m here

Don’t forget your friend in your hour of need,
And I will speed to you;
And whatever you need, I’ll give to you,
Just you say the word and I’ll follow your lead,
I’m here

It’s okay, my friend,
Every now and then
Something breaks
And thoroughly shakes
Your world.
And that is the moment when
You should call your friend–
That’s me

I am your friend, you are my friend
You can depend on me, I’m here

I’m here

— —

Letter to a Friend: A work in progress. A fine philosophy; a difficult practice. But we all need a hug now and then; so when a friend needs one, we mustn’t be stingy.

Illustration Credit: https://pixabay.com/static/uploads/photo/2015/11/15/08/15/universe-1044107_640.jpg

Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Dementia, Memoir, Memories, Poetry | Tagged Alzheimer's, Blogging 101, caregiving, Dementia, memoir, memories, poetry | Leave a comment

Time Out Please

Posted on November 25, 2015 by admin

TIME OUT

GIMME A BREAK

I’m tired now, oh so tired!
Workin’ round the clock.
It’s just like running ’round the block
And never sitting down–
Gimme a break!

My duty calls and I must go
But duty lies right here right now,
So it’s on and on that I must plow
To keep things flowing on a flow–
Gimme a break!

Gimme a break, gimme a break,
My body ache, my head explode,
My duties all on overload,
Why can’t I knock off now for pity sake?
Oh please God, just gimme a break!

You say you’re sorry to bother me,
You promise not to once again.
You never see the ache and pain
Your demands are put on me–
Gimme a break!

I never moan, I don’t complain,
Yet here you are, it’s once again
Another favour you have to ask,
Another job another task–
Gimme a break!

Gimme a break, gimme a break,
My body ache, my head explode,
My duties all on overload,
Why can’t I knock off now for pity sake?
Oh please God, just gimme a break!

I always give, I never take,
No matter what it is at stake;
The more I give the more you take,
The balance sheet about to break!
Gimme a break!

I always turn the other cheek,
It seems you slap it every week,
It’s this a-way or that a-way
You find a way to hassle me–
Gimme a break!

Gimme a break, gimme a break,
My body ache, my head explode,
My duties all on overload,
Why can’t I knock off now for pity sake?
Oh please God, just gimme a break!

I’ve given all I have to give
The gas tank’s running outta gas,
Energy is leaking like a sieve
I’m going to have to give a pass
Gimme a break!

Leave me alone a little while,
This life I’m living has no style,
I’m wearied out, I have no clout,
I have no strength to even shout
Please, just gimme a break!

Gimme a break; gimme a break,
My body ache, my head explode,
My duties all on overload
Why can’t I knock off now for pity sake?
Oh please God, just gimme a break!

I have no time for taking time,
No longer is my time my time,
I cannot tear myself away,
I have no time to even stay—
Gimme a break!

Time is such a precious thing.
I wish, I crave, to have me some.
If only I could grow a wing
To fly me to where time is from—
Gimme a break!

Gimme a break; gimme a break,
My body ache, my head explode,
My duties all on overload
Why can’t I knock off now for pity sake?
Oh please God, just gimme a break!
— —

Inspired by an Alzheimer’s Society (UK) Facebook entry about Care Givers needing time out from giving care to avoid burnout.

Picture Credit: Clip Art

Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Dementia, Humor, Memories, Poetry | Tagged Alzheimer's, Blogging 101, caregiving, Dementia, memories, poetry | Leave a comment

Don’t Tell

Posted on November 23, 2015 by admin

Don’t Tell

It has been reported quite extensively lately that Doctors are reluctant to tell patients they
have Alzheimer’s. That is, many of them simply don’t tell.
Not telling leaves the patient and family stumbling from crisis to crisis, in the dark, doubtful, anxious…
People can say they ‘suspected’ Alzheimer’s from general knowledge, etc., and panic; or try to get on with their lives; or investigate…as in: Some would study the disease; some would be angry. Some would insist the Doctor at least talk about it; is it possible?
—
He Said, She Said –Don’t Tell

She said So whaddya (really) think, Doc?
Doc said We’ll monitor the situation
She said You mean, like, wait for it to get worse? As in, wait for the symptoms to be so advance we can’t do anything about it?
Doc said It’s too early to say
She said It’s never to early, Doc. I need to know. I need to know what to do
Doc said It could be anything. Memory loss is just a part of life.
She said But this is se-eerious Doc
Doc said Memory loss is definitely part of aging
She said Doc, I don’t call 58 aged
Doc said No, no, of course not
She said You said it could be anything. Could it be a brain tumor? Of course, that’s what it is. I’ve got a brain tumor
Doc said No,no. Relax. You don’t have a brain tumor
She said How can you be so sure? You didn’t test me for that, did you?
Doc said Brain tumors are entirely a different thing
She said But Doc, I get these serious headaches.
Doc said That would be the stress. You’re stressing yourself out. I can give you some relaxation exercises to ease that
She said DOC.
Doc said There are tests for that
She said But Doc, it affects my eyesight
Doc said Mmmm. Yes.
She said What?
Doc said That could be a symptom of diabetes—
She said DOC! My god!
Doc said Look, that is exactly why – apart from the fact that diagnosis isn’t exactly an exact science in such cases – your reaction is one reason I don’t want to give you a specific diagnosis. Your memory might be failing—
She said Of course it is. I mean, like I couldn’t remember the name of that drug you gave me that pneu- fru- you know the one
Doc said That is normal. You might be tired, or distracted—
She said Oh, I’m distracted all right
Doc But you mustn’t obsess
She said Oh I’ll obsess okay. I you don’t tell me the truth I’ll do nothing but obsess

Doc said I’m sorry, Missus, there just isn’t a definitive test to prove early…onset…
She said You can’t even say it, can you Doc?
Doc said Well, there are tests that could rule it out
She said AHA! So?
Doc said Well, there is that three-word test
She said What three-word test?
Doc said The one I gave you earlier
She said Oh, you mean the table, the pen and the…the..
Doc said Ah.
She said Apple. The third word was apple.
Doc said Well there you are then.
She said Where am I? Did I pass?
Doc said Y-yes…but…
She said But what? But what Doc?
Doc said Missus, I inadvertently gave you a hint at the third word
She said What was that then?
Doc said Just now. When you gave me two words and stopped
She said I don’t remember what you said
Doc said I said Ah
She said Ah? You said Ah?
Doc said Yes. I said Ah, and you said apple. So you see, not so serious after all
She said So? What IS your diagnosis?

Doc said Missus, look, diagnosis is largely based on an individual doctor’s clinical assessment. That is to say, his professional judgment
She said Well that wasn’t so hard, was it?
Doc said But it was. What I might tell you could seriously affect your life
She said It will seriously affect my life anyway. It already has. I’m missing appointments, I can’t find my keys, I even got lost driving home. And that was on the route to…to ummm…you know, where I drive every day
Doc said Okay, look, like I said, not an exact science, but let’s say, for example, you do have some of the symptoms of early onset, study the (disease), exercise, keep your brain active, and come back in three months. Okay?
She said Whew! Well! Wow! Okay…
Doc said I know it’s hard. I hate giving “that” diagnosis
She said I hate hearing it
Doc said So sorry
She said So what do I do now?
Doc said Since you’re convinced you have it, why don’t you pick up some brochures in the waiting room. They’ll tell you how to get in toch with your local society. Talk to them about it. And try not to worry so much Missus. You’ll get yourself an ulcer
She said Oh boy. That’s all I need
Doc said See the receptionist. She’ll make an appointment for you. Three months.
She said Yes Doc
Doc said You’re trembling. Let me give you a hand
She said I’m fine
Doc said Do you have somebody to drive you home?
She said I’ll be fine Doc. Thanks.
Doc said I’m sure you will be. And if it is…that…well, you were right to catch it early. It will give you time to prepare. And I’m sure you have many healthy and productive years yet. You’re still young
She said Sure Doc. Whew. Just a sec…while…I catch…my breath…
—

Whether you, or a Loved One, are at the beginning stages or anywhere between there and the most serious stages of Alzheimer’s, there is help out there.
Some very good sources are:

www.alzheimer.ca/
This Canadian site is based in Toronto.
There are Alzheimer’s associations in every province. Don’t hesitate to visit these sites.
In fact, listed on this site is an article delineating the differences between memory loss from aging and from dementia and Alzheimer’s, the primary or most common form of dementia.
Here is one site that charts the main differences between aging memory loss and Dementia memory loss:
http://www.alzheimer.ca/en/About-dementia/What-is-dementia/Normal-aging-vs-dementia

https://www.alz.org/
Based in the U.S., this is a comprehensive website with endless information and assistance sources. I get their newsletter with invaluable information every week.

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/
This site based in England, I have found, is an invaluable source of information. In fact, it was here that I read an article about why doctors are reluctant to diagnose Alzheimer’s – and which led to today’s blog “Don’t Tell.”

The important thing is to avoid trying to cope alone. You don’t have to and you shouldn’t. There are friends out here to share your burden.
And please don’t underestimate the value of a support group. Mine has been an invaluable source of strength and inspiration.
— —

Image Credit: Nothing my doctor says card — http://www.someecards.com/pickup/MjAxNS1jYWY2N2FlMzMwY2YyYmJh?token=MjAxNS1iNDRjMWYxM2YzNDMxMmM2

Cartoons are from ClipArt

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Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Dementia, Humor, Memoir, Memories | Tagged Alzheimer's, Blogging 101, caregiving, Dementia, Humor, memoir, memories | Leave a comment

Cucumbers

Posted on November 20, 2015 by admin

The Way They Cut the Cucumbers

He said What’s this?
Carer said Cucumber
He said That’s not cucumber. That’s a mess
Carer said It’s cucumber
He said What have you done to it?
Carer said It’s just cut up
He said I don’t want my cucumber cut up
Carer said What’s wrong with cut-up cucumber?
He said It’s all sloppy and runny. I don’t like my cucumber all sloppy and runny.
Carer said Well how do you like your cucumber then?
He said I like my cucumber sliced
Carer said So you want special treatment for your cucumber.
He said No. I don’t want special treatment for my cucumber. I want my cucumber straight.
Carer said Would that be with rocks?
He said No. No rocks. I don’t want my cucumber on the rocks
Carer said Do you want your cucumber peeled?
He said No. No peeling. Peels hold the cucumber together
Carer said Even in cucumber slices?
He said Yes. Even in cucumber slices
Carer said But not in dices?
He said No.No dices. I like my cucumber is slices
Carer said So you want Kitchen to slice your cucumber?
He said That’s right. Slices, no dices
Carer said Very good sir. I’ll tell Kitchen to slice your cucumber
He said Good. No. Wait. I don’t want kitchen to slice my cucumber. They slice the cucumber too thin
Carer said How about I tell Kitchen to serve your cucumber whole, sir?
He said That right. That’s what I said
Carer said No you didn’t
He said When was that?
Carer said Just now. While your cucumber sat there getting warm
He said No! I don’t like my cucumber warm
Carer said Well Kitchen didn’t warm your cucumber
He said Swell. I don’t like my cucumber warm
Carer said Swell. I’ll tell Kitchen.
He said Tell them what?
Carer said You want your cucumber sliced
He said No. I don’t like the way they cut the cucumber
Carer said Well, in that case, sir, how shall I tell them to serve your cucumber?
He said Don’t serve it at all

Carer said What’s that sir? You don’t want cucumber?
He said I don’t want my cucumber diced
Carer said So you do want cucumber?
He said Yes. I love them cucumbers
Carer said But sliced, not diced?
He said Yes. Sliced, not diced
Carer said Very good sir. I’ll tell Kitchen
He said Good. No. Wait! I don’t want Kitchen to do anything to my cucumber
Carer said But you want your cucumber?
He said Yes. I want my cucumber.
Carer said So let me get this straight. You don’t want your cucumber diced, you do want your cucumber sliced but you don’t want your cucumber whole?
He said Yes. No ice
Carer said Very good sir
He said Good. No ice.
Carer said Which is it then, sir?
He said Tell them I’ll cut the damn cucumber
Carer said Why is that then sir?
He said Because I don’t like the way they cut the cucumber
Carer said Very good sir. I’ll tell Kitchen
He said THANK you!
Carer said You’re very welcome, sir. I’ll tell Kitchen
He said Good. Because I don’t like the way they cut the cucumbers
Carer said Very good sir. I’ll tell kitchen
He said Good. Because I don’t like the way they cut the cucumbers

Carer said I’m sorry sir. That’s the after dinner bell. Dinner time is over. I’m going to have to remove your dinner.
He said Good. The cucumber has gone all warm and mushy anyway.
Carer said Very good sir

He said to himself The way they cut the cucumbers in this place. Disgusting.

— —

Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Dementia, Humor, Memoir, Memories, Remembering | Tagged Alzheimer's, Blogging 101, caregiving, Dementia, Humor, memoir, memories | Leave a comment

Tree Grows Here

Posted on November 18, 2015 by admin

Tree Grows Here

(An imperfect tribute)

A Tree Grows Here

A tree grows here in the garden of life,
Standing proud and tall.
She spreads her leafy branches wide,
Protecting all inside her loving bower.

And in the times of raging storms
That try to rip her up, she bows instead to wicked wind,
Embracing all within her loving boughs
To keep them safe to smile again.

And when they’re well again and sap is running high,
A friendly breeze blows light to kiss her brow
And dances playful with her leaves–
Our tree can smile again quite pleased.

When her mate and saplings ail with blight,
She shares the water from her roots
To nurse them back to health,
And never thinks to ask for wealth.

And while she never asked for thanks,
Thanks comes in Nature’s form:
As love’s respect from her was born,
Love and respect to her come back.

But now she’s in the winter of her life,
Growing old but giving still,
Her boughs are bleak from a losing streak
But her living will smiles on.

Her saplings all have gathered round
Beneath her shading boughs,
They keep her safe through all the Times
And share the vine of love that binds.

She planted healthy roots of love
And her seeds bear healthy fruit,
They honour her in many ways
Proving how good gardening pays:
Giving back is the greatest gift
And health is the greatest wealth–
And mother tree began it all.

Her babes are grown and on their own
Standing strong here in her stead
Tending to her every seed, so rife,
Life regenerating life.

— —

Photos by H. W. Bryce

Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Giving, Dementia, Memoir, Memories, Poetry | Tagged Alzheimer's, care giving, Dementia, memoir, memories, poetry | Leave a comment

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